Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The waiting place

*It is important to know right off the bat that my b key sticks. So when I don't make sense, insert the letter b and see if it clarifies things.

The reality is I'm starting a blog because I'm bored and need to start something new. 'Tis the season for new starts, with New Year's day right around the corner, right?I've spent the day in my pjs on the couch eating Christmas cookies/candies watching a season and a half of Gilmore Girls and have gotten so bored I want to either stick a fork in my eye or remake my entire life. Since I have never looked good in an eye patch, I am forced to consider the second option. Like most people, my life is pretty middle of the road. I'm better off than say 3.35 billion people and worse off than the other 3.35 billion. I have clean drinking water and three meals a day, so I'm aware that whining about my life is a luxury. I also have several really meaningful relationships with family and friends. So why do I feel so unfulfilled? Because I'm stuck in the "waiting place." People all around me are doing things with their lives, and I? I'm growing moss. Those of you who know me might think, but didn't she just start seminary? That's right and I should feel a sense of adventure because of that but instead I feel blah. All around me friends are getting married, moving to foreign countries, having babies, trying to bust into show business. A friend of mine from high school who married her tattoo artist named Lucky had a baby! And me? I still living in the town I grew up in, live in the same apartment for four years with my two cats. Yeah that's right TWO cats. I don't even really like cats but it came with the old-spinster-kit and I couldn't say no. And the worst thing is, I feel pretty far away from God. How did this happen? We were so tight over the summer. I often feel like I have no idea what He wants from me, where He wants me to be and I'm always looking for that burning bush. I thought I'd feel different after starting seminary. I've never been around that many Christians before after all, surely that can only help? My relationship with Jesus is really all I've got when it comes down to it. It's like in that song from Sister Act, "I will follow you, follow you wherever you may go..." That's how I feel most of the time and yet...I feel like I'm in the same place as when I started.

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