I should change the name of my blog to All Holly Ever Does is Whine! but it seems this is a go-to-place for me to work out big issues. Today's gripe? It's actually an ongoing complaint: my life is TOO SMALL!
Back story? I've been trying to find kid dvds with worship and bible stories to share with my nieces. All I seem to find is suburban soccer moms with fake nails and Texas hair. (What I want is Yo Gabba Gabba with the Gospel!) The Church in America is so falsely tied to that culture and it drives me nuts! Jesus may have been born in a hick town, but as soon as He could, He moved to the city. He had a diverse group of friends and knew how to do cutting edge church. And don't forget, the New Jerusalem will be a fantastic CITY!
Me? I live in the same town I was born in, go to the same church I was raised in and while I do have friends who are not just WASPs like me, I still feel suffocated. For example, I was talking to my mom about how much I love Mars Hill Church in Seattle and she said, "I'm not helping to move you back to Seattle." She also once told me not to fall in love with a missionary. Her point? She'll support me sticking around, but anything else???
This started out today as just a theoretical complaint-not finding the dvds, but then I started thinking about if I had kids. What would we watch? How would I show them that Jesus is not in fact some white middle class guy living in suburban America whose buddies are all on the same softball team with wives who are the head of the PTA? Scratch that, their wives would of course be homeschooling.
That's when I really started to panic! How am I going to get these hypothetical kids if I live an a small town with barely any guys my age, more or less single ones who love Jesus? And they certainly don't go to my church. I'm the youth group at 33. I am not kidding.
So you're probably thinking by now, "Holly, stop whining and do something about it! Yikes!" But poverty is a tricky opponent and practically has me pinned to the (hometown)mat. The only way I'm getting out of here is if God Himself wants me to move. Yes please, Father!
Life is fleeting, ya know? I want to serve God with gusto! With passion! And live a life that reflects that. I've tried many different ways to do that here but my options feel limited and I feel I've ended up living a tiny life where the latest excitement is the new fro-yo shop in town. (That's not hyperbole, but in fact really yummy!)
What do I want? I want to go to a church that can't contain the power of God because He is so alive there. I want to have ministries to get involved in that are supported and radically serve God. I want to worship with my peers in a relevant way. Meet a fella who loves Jesus and has a job, to raise kids with who are fire for their God and whose world view is not limited by geography. Is that really asking too much?