A Chris Welkey inspired blog

OK, so yesterday I go to my local Starbucks to drink coffee and read books right? This is what the unemployed do. I notice the new barista is super slow, but I've got no job to hurry back to. So I wait patiently. Not a big deal.

After I enjoy my coffee I start to get hungry and decide to get a deli sandwich from the grocery store. I go to the counter. I see no staff. I say "hello!" Nothing. I go around to the far end and see a young woman kind of standing there and so I ask, "Can you help me?" "Oh yeah" she says with little haste. Very blank. She comes to the counter and I say, "I'd like a turkey and swiss, on sour dough, with everything." "Oh...ok" she says. She goes to bread bins, pokes a few and says "Oh, sorry we have no sourdough." I say, "Ok, just a hard french roll then." I choose this because I can SEE it, right? No she says, they don't have any. She walks back to counter leaving the plastic bins open-food sanitation is a must for me! She stands at the counter saying...nothing! Just looking at me. I say, "Well, what can you do?" She says "Sorry." I say, trying HARD to control the snark in my voice, "So there is not a single sour dough roll or single french roll in this grocery store? (long pause-nothing, so I say...) You can't just go get some off a shelf?" She says, kind of surprised, "Yeah, that's a good idea." And continues to stand there. I finally say "You don't want me to go get it right?" Snarky as all get out now. "Oh, ok" she says. She wanders off and returns within less than five minutes, so I think she's made good time. She marvels at the fact that she found a sour dough baggett in the BAKERY! Such luck! She proceeds to make my sandwich, slowly. "You want turkey?" "Yes, turkey with swiss and everything on it." "You want cheese?" "Yes, swiss." "You want mayonnaise?" Every. item. that. could. go. on. the. sandwich. was proceeded by the asking of this question.

Now, if I had perceived any sort of biological reason for her slowness, such as a disability or had I seen flame red eyes that might explain her stoned behavior I would not complain. BUT she seemed perfectly capable of normal cognitive functions and seemed pretty sober, so the fact that she's just some silly young girl who doesn't get that when one is WORKING there should be some haste drove me bonkers. That's when I thought of Chris and knew I had to blog it!